“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all.” ~Pema Chödrön
i am absolutely positive that tripp had no idea the can of worms he was about to open.
a few years ago, he and i were sitting in the living room reading the sunday paper together like we always do. tripp leaned over to share an article he was reading about ree drummond who happened to be in town that weekend. after a few minutes of conversation about blogging and whatnot, tripp turned to me and asked, “so if ree drummond is the ‘pioneer woman’, who are you?”
there it was…the $64,000 question.
i sat there for a minute. just looking at him. trying to come up with something. and so finally i said to him, “well…besides a wife and a mother…i suppose i don’t really know.”
{insert mid-life crisis here.}
if you think about it, this question – who am i? – it seems like a perfectly simple, easy to answer question. and honestly, for me to respond with ‘wife and mother’ was a reasonable and accurate answer.
here was the problem though. this one role – motherhood – that furnished so much of my identity? this one thing that i thought was my vocation and my purpose in life? well she was getting ready to leave the nest. and with every college visit, every admissions packet, every college entrance application…it was yet another reminder that my purpose in life was getting ready to pack up her Macbook and head off to university.
and so then faced with those two simple questions – who am i? what is my purpose? – my answer was very simply, “i don’t know.”
it was from this exact spot that i took the first step into what has been a messy, beautiful, miserable, rewarding, uncomfortable, grace-filled journey.
what i didn’t know then, was that i already had all the answers. i just had to let some things fall apart so that they could come back together.
thank you so much for joining me on my 31 day writing challenge. to see all of the posts in this series, please click here. and if you would like to receive future posts via email, you can subscribe here.
from the archives~
I feel like I’m reading a book and you’re giving me little installments ! Love it-and uh-swoon on the monarch! Perfect.
you are so sweet. thank you my friend.
just like i told my husband the other day about our daughter, she has to learn things the hard way, just like we do. we come out stronger though, right?
it is so hard some times katie to let them learn the hard way. but you are so right…it helps them grow. xoxo
I almost felt sorry for Tripp!
I was home with my four children in almost ten years, and then I took a master degree, and worked long days for almost 20 years. Doing a reasonable good career being one of three executive females in a property development firm together with approx. 30 men. I quit a month ago. Everyone are shocked and kind of disappointed because I was doing so well. My oldest daughter (28, and an young executive who has moved to Singapore) most of all I think..
Now I’m digging in the soil, planting flowers, writing, walking with my dogs.. The youngest child is 18. I have no more answers than you, Kelly.
I really love the way you write!
Big hug from Scandinavia
thank you so much for stopping by my blog today and leaving such a lovely comment. it’s always comforting to know that i’m not the only one who struggles with these kinds of questions.
You are so right…falling apart, heartache, sorrow, troubles…all those things make us stronger. It’s just so hard not to fight against the plan God has for our lives!