joy in the middle of the mess

my parents laptop died about a week ago.   my printer quit working. (thank you windows update!) my cat has chewed all the loops off the bows of the christmas presents which currently have post-it notes for gift tags.  because my printer quit working so i am unable to print out the cute calligraphy tags that i made.  i haven’t exercised in a week.  my dining room table looks like a bomb went off.  the other night daisy came downstairs with her beard completely covered in cat litter AND with a litter-encrusted cat turd in her mouth.  i looked at her and then she looked at me like, ‘oh shit…you weren’t supposed to see that!’.

it’s been super festive around here.  {insert sarcasm}

adding insult to injury is the fact that we haven’t had more than maybe 36.7 hours of sunshine in the last month.  i swear to goodness, if the sun doesn’t come out one of these days, i’m going to lose it.

wait…scratch that…i already lost it.  my annual epic holiday meltdown.

note to self….if you tell the universe you are learning to embrace the beauty of imperfection, you better get ready for a shit load of it.

i’m sharing this with you today, because this is what’s real right now in my life.  i could show you a picture like this and tell you how much i love wrapping presents.

which don’t get me wrong…i do.  but it’s not the whole story.  it’s the pretty-fied version for an online world which loves pretty and loves perfect.  and i to be honest, i just don’t know how much more stylized christmas i can take.

the last thing the world needs right now is the holiday angst of a strung-out working mom.  so i had myself a little come to jesus last night after tripp left to go pick up take out for dinner.

the truth is that i get so frustrated sometimes.  like why can’t the bullshit just stop.  why can’t the hackers and the terrorists take a break during the holidays.  don’t they know it’s christmas?  i mean for God’s sake…don’t they know that we’re all supposed to happy and merry and jolly and joyful right now?

and that’s when it sort of hit me.  how all of the struggles this time of year remind me of just how much i need God’s grace. how all of my imperfections remind me how badly i need a savior.  how the suffering of this world keeps me focused on where my true joy lies.

my joy in christmas is that God is with us.  He’s not ‘up there’ shaking his head saying, ‘wow you guys really screwed this up.’  He is is here.  God came down from heaven into this world.  in the midst of all the mess.  to pour out His grace and His love.  i don’t have to perform for Him.  i don’t have to make things perfect for him.  His love perfects me.

thank you jesus.

so i’m taking my frazzled brain, my ragged cuticles, my messy house.  i’m packing up all of anxiety, worries, and frustrations…. and i’m going to the manger.  because there i can set down all of my imperfections.  there is where my true joy lies.

peace, kelly