learning how to help

i spent the afternoon with my parents yesterday.

my mom is doing really well….feeling better every day.  this past week she had the dressings removed from her surgery.  she is healing nicely.  and the best news of all was that her pathology came back negative for cancer in her lymph nodes.  it was such a relief for all of us!

even though mom is on the mend, she still has certain restrictions – she has a drain tube from her surgery so she is not permitted to shower or drive yet.  both of which are equally frustrating for a woman who is not used to having limitations.

my dad has been awesome at picking up the slack…just this morning my mom texted me that daddy was running the vacuum.  and he can whip up a grilled hamburger like nobody’s business!  yesterday i took mom some laundry soap and watered her flowers outside.

my mom would be the very first person to tell you that she hates asking for help.  she is a homemaker in every  sense of the word.  she is used to doing all her own housework and gardening.  she does all the cooking and laundry.  and she enjoys rearranging the furniture on a regular basis.  all of which she has been somewhat restricted from these past couple of weeks.  and it’s driving her nuts.

but my mom would also be the first one to tell you that this experience has been a profound learning opportunity for her….how to receive help with grace.  and to be honest, it’s been a profound learning experience for all of us.  for me it’s learning how to offer help in such a way that it doesn’t make her feel like an invalid.  to support her and yet still preserve her dignity.

i think i might have crossed the line a few times…we’re all three still learning.

i find that putting myself in my mother’s position – to imagine if i was slightly incapacitated – how would i feel to have kelsey doing things for me?  it would be difficult i’m sure.  but this is what we’ve discovered.  love covers a multitude of sins.  and communication is key.

as mom continues to recover and get back to her regular routine, i am so proud of her strength and tenacity.  i am so proud of my dad for his steadfastness and devotion. and i am so very thankful for all of the family and friends who have rallied around them with care and concern.  i love my parents dearly, and nothing touches my heart more than to witness the outpouring of love extending toward them.

i like to think that even in the most difficult situations, there are moments of light if we have eyes to see them.  and certainly for me, the love and strength of my family is a shining example.  i’ve never been more proud or more grateful.

peace, kelly