on the road to forgiveness

i set intentions for my photography, my blog, my scrapbook projects…it only makes sense that i should do the same for my spiritual pursuits as well.  which is what i do every year when lent rolls around.

some years there is something specific on my heart that i lift up and meditate on for the 40 days of prayer and reflection.  other years, like this year, i simply ask God to lead me where  i need to go.

when it comes to my spiritual life, i do not believe in coincidence.  so therefore, when, for several days in a row, the subject of forgiveness is coming up in every aspect of my life, it was clear to me where i needed to go.

this year God took me down the road to forgiveness.

so a couple of things i want to say here before i go on… the first is that, while i try to be as honest and authentic as i can be here on my blog, there is much that goes on in my life that i don’t share. behind the scenes kind of stuff that i don’t feel comfortable sharing on my blog.  it’s intensely personal and shapes who i am as a person, but so often, these stories aren’t solely mine to tell.

the other thing i need you to know is that post is me working my own shit out.  okay?  i am not a theologian or a scholar.  i am broken, imperfect soul trying my best to live a faithful life.  a person very much in need of God’s grace and mercy.  and today i’m sharing with you where i found it.

In fact, not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.  Anne Lamott

anger and resentment. when one is driving, the other is in the passenger seat playing with the radio stations- their favorite is the one that plays the top forty hits…righteous indignation and self-pity are currently topping the charts as they drive on the dark road to bitterness.  i rode along for a little while last month.

when i’m traveling this road, everything sucks.  my relationships suck.  my {a}rt sucks.  my life sucks.  the good news is that i know enough about the light now to recognize that this is not where i want to be.  so i got off at the first opportunity.  but it’s along way back home.  a long way down the road of forgiveness.

i needed forgiveness.  so that meant i also had to forgive.

in his book, matthew kelly calls forgiveness the “soul of the gospel”.  forgiveness is central to Jesus’s teaching…”love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (matthew 5:44).  how many times should i forgive?  “not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (matthew 18:21).

i recently listened to a podcast by bishop robert barron about the prodigal son.  and if i’m being really honest with myself, i often identify with the brother that didn’t leave.  but in this podcast, i heard it in a different way – the idea of slaving away.  it was a real wake up call to me…because that’s not the relationship that God wants with me.

God doesn’t want my hustle…God wants my heart.

my first step down the road of forgiveness was to remember anger and resentment are every bit as much turning away from my inheritance.  and God wants us ALL to live in the light and enjoy the fruits that come with having a relationship with Him.  i want that for myself and i want that for others.  anger and resentment deprive us both of that.  so on my walk home, i reflected on this.  and i made peace it.

as i listened to the podcast again this morning, i am overwhelmed with the image of the Father running out to greet me.  that my heavenly Father is rejoicing that i came home.

the mercy of God is a deep well of love that cannot be fathomed.  and nowhere is His love more evident than in His Son’s suffering and death on the cross.

i am reflecting on this today.  and i am humbled and grateful.

peace, kelly