Last Friday before we left for Houston to celebrate Bryan’s birthday, I made a quick trip to Utica Square for a little retail therapy.
I have been feeling so fat and frumpy lately, not to mention utterly exhausted and frazzled after another round of spirit-sapping insomnia. Plus we’re in that weird time period between seasons where it’s not quite Spring, but yet I’m totally sick of everything in my closet. And then to top it off I just wanted something cute and colorful and fun to wear to Bryan’s party – absolutely no gray, brown, or black allowed!
Anyway, I walk into Ann Taylor Loft (or Ann Taylor Lift as Tripp likes to call it) and it felt like I stepped into Woodward Park. There were corals, pinks, greens, and yellows in full bloom on every table and display and as I wandered through the store, I was mesmerized by all the choices. The only problem was that my pathetic, sleep-deprived brain was unable to focus on any of it and I found myself completely overwhelmed and almost in tears.
I was getting ready to leave, so I walked over to put back the dark denim capris I’d been carrying around. One of the sales gals who happened to be arranging some tops nearby asked me if she could help me find something. And then like word vomit, I proceeded to tell her basically what I just shared with you in the in the previous two paragraphs (only less thought out and more emotional and scatterbrained).
The sales gal was probably about my age, so instead of looking at me like I was a freak, she gave me a sympathetic smile and began making some suggestions. She herded me back to the fitting room and brought back a couple of options. I tried on several different looks and finally decided on a coral blouse and denim capris. Before checking out, she showed me a set of bangle bracelets and a necklace to complete my outfit and then $187 later I had a fun, colorful outfit to wear to the party.
As I was leaving I told the gal for the 147th time how much I appreciated her help (I think I even hugged her) and then she said to me, “Well you just made my day. This is what I love to do, and for once I feel like what I do actually matters.”
Wow.
Walking back to my car last Friday I was so touched (albeit surprised) that I could make someone’s day by being a total mess, and I have thought about what this gal (man I wish I could remember her name) said for days now.
I don’t know if you ever feel this way, but it seems like to me that there is so much pressure in society for women (and I don’t know maybe men too) to be good at everything. Maybe it’s just me and my perfectionist/overachiever nature. Or maybe it’s because we are constantly being bombarded by images of perfectly kept houses run by perfectly styled women who cook beautiful, perfect food and have perfect children who like their moms excel in every activity!
In the past, I have always felt like a total slacker because I can’t do it all. I can’t scrapbook AND keep my house clean at the same time. I can’t take photos AND keep up with my laundry. I can’t keep the weeds out of my flowerbeds AND cook a four course dinner. I can’t talk to my daughter on the phone AND remember everything on the grocery list I left at home on the kitchen counter. I can’t do it all.
But what if that is OK? What if in my weakness, I give someone the gift of feeling good about herself for a minute. What if my frailty helps someone else feel strong for once? And what if my imperfections give someone else the gift of feeling valuable?
Maybe, just maybe, that little bit of Grace could make someone’s day. And I’d say that’s a gift that keeps on giving.
Peace, Kelly
Love your post Kelly. I had the big H last June, experienced 6 months of still producing estrogen without the monthly hassle bliss. On Dec 28th I lost every estrogen producing hormone I have ever had. Holy crap. It’s been brutal. I started taking bio-identical hormones 3 weeks ago, don’t feel totally crazy anymore however still so groggy all the time and live in a bit of a daze with respect to time and deadline.
I found this quote that I love which relates to the perfection thing. “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes selves with everyone else’s highlight reel.” I have been trying to keep this in mind instead of skewering myself.
You are so seriously awesome woman!
you are so sweet. thank you. i’ve been gutting it out for the past couple of years. just about the time i think i’m over the hump, then it starts all over again. this is not for sissies! LOL oh and i totally LOVE that quote! gonna keep that one out where i can see it. thank you so much!!! 🙂
Ya know sis, we talked about “just being” not too long ago and I think your experience with the shopping and the sales lady was exactly that. You were just “being” who you are. And I think that God takes who we “are” and uses us in spite of “ourselves”. After all He is the One that made you the way you “are”, (albeit my lack of good mothering skills my have contributed to some of your angst about your self worth 🙁 ….), but just do what you do, be who you are, and you will find things like the shopping trip happen over and over again. There is a saying I heard somewhere that goes something like “you can be so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good” and I think we can get so wound up in trying to be perfect and exceptional for God and for others that we just screw up the “being”. Love you much daughter of mine 🙂