new beginnings are often disguised as painful endings. –lao tzu
three years ago, when i started my blog, i was in a very scary place. my daughter was starting her senior year in high school and i was pre-mourning what felt like the end of that part of my life.
{in case you hadn’t noticed…melodrama becomes me}
anyway, as i sat down to type out that first blog post, i sort of figured that i’d document the process – an online journal of learning to let go. and then when kelsey started her freshman year of college, all would be well and that would be that. all my loose ends would be tied up. end of story.
only it wasn’t the end.
trust me…NO ONE has been more surprised by that fact than yours truly.
so here i am three years later, sitting at the bar in my kitchen. typing away on a blog that, although was originally intended to hopefully help others, fills a niche in my life i never even knew i needed filling. it’s as if a whole new world that has opened. and oddly enough…i have more to say than ever.
as i sit here typing this particular blog post, we are knee deep in packing and loading. tomorrow we will move my girl back to college where she will be starting her *gulp* junior year. God. a junior. my daughter is a junior in college. i keep saying it aloud to myself in hopes that it might start to sink in. only it hasn’t worked.
i swear i have no idea where the time goes.
it just so happens that i have several friends that are sending their kids off to college this year too – some their first, but a few their last. i recognize myself in their facebook posts and their instagram photos this past week. i so remember that lump in my throat, the pit in my stomach, the ache in my momma heart. that bittersweet DREAD. the looming heartache and tears that you know are coming the minute you drive away from that dorm. how you know from that day on, everything is going to be different.
God….i know that feeling. and truth be told, to some degree i am feeling it a bit myself today.
but for any of you who might be facing an empty-nest, here’s what i would like to share with you today…
it gets easier.
notice i didn’t say easy, because it’s just not. but i promise…it does get easier. no doubt that it is a process…an often-time uncomfortable journey in self-discovery. but i promise you that there will be a day when you won’t cry every afternoon when you get home from work and face a quiet, empty house. there will come a day that you won’t doubt your purpose or your usefulness. i promise that one day you will wake up with a feeling of peace, accompanied by a joy that you can’t describe to anyone. one day you will have a wide open world of possibility. one day you will see that it wasn’t the end…it was only the beginning of something wonderful.
my dear friends, i would just like to close here by telling you how much i appreciate you. thank you from the very bottom of my heart for spending part of your day with me. but most of all, thank you for all of the love and support and kindness that you shared with me over the past three years. i am eternally and profoundly grateful.
love, kelly
Ohhhh are we in the same boat!! I got into photography when my youngest (now a week away from 18) started high school…knowing full well I’d be an empty nester so I’d have a hobby already in place. Thank goodness I had fore sight!! I’m the one learning to adjust that my “baby” is doing just what he’s suppose to be doing-even if it never includes me!! Some days easier than others… I guess we learn to enjoy the fruits if our labors!!
I agree it totally is not easy but does get easier. I see all the JOY in Cayli’s face thinking about decorating their apartment and it makes me so happy for them. (and yes that makes me a little sad for us not having them at home) I love the saying! Just keep reminding me this weekend! hahahaha
that “wide open world of possibility” happened for me last spring (i often have delayed reactions to events. ; ) ), and the feeling of excitement was something i’d never really experienced before. yes, we have another kid at home, but that thrill of what life has in store for me is stronger than ever.
good luck this week, kelly, we’re packing our girl up next wednesday!
I started youngest’s senior year this week. It’s hard to believe I “started” the emptying nest process when my oldest did this two years ago. Crazy times! I’m glad I get to read along with your thoughts, and I’m glad you didn’t stop after that senior year. 🙂
Thanks for the good cry this morning 🙂 We leave Wednesday for the start of that Junior year. I agree with you I can’t believe that I have a Junior in College. I am not that old, but Mallory always reassures me that we are the youngest parents out of all her friends.
Although I will miss her greatly, I do look forward to the return of our “new normal”. So many things I want to work on this fall.
Talk about time flying….I just said goodbye to my GRANDdaughter going off to her junior year in college…and yes, it does get easier over the years from that first goodbye and the prospects of being empty nesters. My daughter and her husband are thoroughly enjoying their time together.
I will tell you too it does get easier. Mine are all done with college, grown men. It is fun and exciting to watch their grown up lives unfold. It gets easier to just sit back and watch and smile and be part of it when you can, and understand you did a good job raising them. I have certainly enjoyed your daughter being home this summer, she is so beautiful and the two of you have a special bond, I can tell.
No quiero imaginarme que dentro de unos años voy a estar en tu misma situación. Muy reales tus palabras. Me encantó tu blog!
Un abrazo grande y feliz fin de semana!
What a well-written post. I didn’t experience the empty nest feelings until last year when my only child graduated from college and immediately moved across the country. Since he was 8 he has said that he wanted to learn to build rockets (check – aerospace engineering degree) and fly jets (almost done w training – check). I can’t think of anything better than your child learning the joy that comes from seeing their hard work & dedication come to fruition, w the goal being realizing a long-held dream. But, I so wish he was doing that close by and that it was something boringly safe, like studying insects – the non-poisonous kind of course.
Yes, it does get easier but who would have thought that it would all go by so, so quickly!
Such a beautiful post. Your blog delights me day after day. Keep on typing and shooting,
happily reading and viewing in Seabright,
Pam
There’s something ‘special’ in each chapter of our lives … we just need to find it and embrace it. It sounds like you have. Thinking of you today! xo
We’ve been empty nesters for 10 years. Yes, it does get easier and yes, we enjoy this stage of our lives, BUT I miss them every day and they’re constantly in my thoughts! I love the electronic world where we can easily keep in touch!! I remember when you never called long-distance it just cost way to much!! Wishing you and your daughter a great year!