this time of year, the way the evening sun comes through the trees is so beautiful to me and i love sitting out on the front porch to soak it up.
well so the other night, kelsey and i were sitting on the front porch. she was showing me her serious bubble-making skills.
you see a couple of weeks ago she and i made a pass through the ‘summer up’ section at target and just couldn’t resist buying this bottle of bubbles. we decided to pass on the hula hoops though.
sidenote…although i feel that i did a good job of teaching my girl how to tie her shoes, blow bubbles, and make the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich, apparently somewhere along the line i dropped the ball and did not teach her how to hula hoop. but i am happy to report that as of yesterday’s trip to target, it is now a skill she has mastered.
anyway, while kelsey was blowing bubbles, i was snapping photos.
can i tell you….it was so perfect. such a sweet summer moment with my girl. and as i snapped away i just felt my heart swell with so much love and gratitude. and to be able to accurately (in my mind’s eye) capture this moment, this special memory with my camera…well that was just the icing on the cake.
if i am being completely honest, occasionally i get a little wistful in moments like this. wishing i had had these kinds of camera skills when kelsey was younger. don’t get me wrong i have some pictures that i love…pictures of my girl that really captured her essence (in my opinion) as she grew through the years. but i sometimes i just wish i knew then what i know now.
and i guess really….that’s kind of the case with how i feel about motherhood in general.
back then taking pictures of my girl, was still very much about capturing memories – i am a scrapbooker after all. and i think i did a pretty decent job of documenting the big stuff and even some of the small stuff too. when i look back though…if i am being totally honest with myself…so much of my ‘documenting’ came from a place of grasping and fear. more ‘this might be the last time she {fill in the blank with any ordinary childhood activity}.’ because that was my fear…that it would all come to an end. that motherhood would come to an end.
if i had only known then….
although there are occasionally some times when i miss having a small child….well i will tell you that i wouldn’t trade it for the world. my girl and i have such a wonderful relationship and it’s one of the greatest blessings in my life. and for me, the great joy in this lesson is that my journey in motherhood will never come to an end. and there will be many more moments like this to capture. and now the beauty of photography, for me, is that i am able to capture these memories with an open heart. a heart full of gratitude – not fear.
because it’s not the end…it’s just the beginning.
peace, kelly
p.s…just a shout out to my blog friends katie and cathy whose beautiful words inspired this blog post.
Reading this post is like a mirror image of my life with my daughter Mallory. I have so many feelings like you do, wishing I was better at photography back then. I do have lots of full scrapbooks of precious memories, and for that I am thankful. We did the bubbles last summer while we were on vacation. It was a ton of fun. Enjoy every moment with your daughter 🙂
Just lovely.
Kelly, beautiful post that brings tears to my eyes! Kelsey is such a lovely young lady!
Kelly, these words, oh my gosh, it is like you read my mind. I still have the same fears about motherhood, every time I send one of mine out the door and they are all grown men. And the photos I so get that. I have two scrapbooks for each of my boys, full of wonderful memories, but I so wish I knew then what I know now. These photos, this moment with your daughter are so good. That last one of her just makes me smile big time. So good. And thanks so much for the kinds words. xoxo
first of all, we really need to meet up some day for a cup of coffee. i feel like i could talk to you for hours about anything and nothing at all. second of all, kelsey is just. plain. adorable, and your photos show every ounce of her personality shining through.
when my meg was close to her first birthday, i began to have nightmares and worries that i was going to wake up on her big day and find that the past year had been nothing but a giant dream. i really thought she was going to disappear straight into thin air. imagine my relief when i walked into her room that morning and found her standing up in her crib, yammering away and throwing her pacifiers one by one across the room—her usual morning routine. ; ) that was when i knew that every day from then on was never going to be boring or predictable or that motherhood was something i could get used to, but instead something that i was going to discover new every day. and yes, both our girls are almost grown ups now, but that just means you and i will keep learning new things right along with our girls.
well, didn’t mean to go on and on — i have a messy kitchen to clean up and a cake to bake—but just wanted to let you know that i really, really liked this post. and thanks for the shout out! ; )
Hey I want in on the coffee date with you and Katie.
What a touching post, Kelly !
Glad you and your daughter have such a wonderful relationship,
and she looks so lovely !
Nice weekend,
Sylvia
Your post resonates with me, Kelly. I feel a bit of this wistfulness, especially when my teenage daughter and I have a really good time together – which thankfully still happens pretty often. I’m afraid I don’t have many photos of her big moments while she was growing up – but I am glad that I have quite a lot of the “small”, daily moments when I think I captured her essence. Yes, I sometimes miss the little girl she used to be, but I also like the more “grown-up” talks we can have now. It’s not only our girls who grow up, we grow with our motherhood as well. I feel it changing, too. I used to worry whether I was a “good” mom (whatever that is); I don’t do that anymore. I just try to enjoy the time I have with her, try to instill the confidence she has in herself and try to give her the tools she will need.
Geez, it’s not so easy to really express what I mean. Especially since English is not my native language.
My photography journey also started from a place of fear. I was missing the beautiful moments because there were so many tasks to attend to! So rather than writing, I began snapping away. Now I am finally able to look back at those photos and put them in scrapbooks and I marvel at how I wasn’t living.
I can see that I am still doing this, partly for my own sanity. H is 4 and a half and so busy, but blossoming and sweet and smart and funny. I am really trying to enjoy her as much as I can and to think of how she will grow up and I will miss these moments. BUT, I’m hopeful that our relationship will be similar to yours with Kelsey and it will only get better.