So here we are…the last segment of my blog series. So far I have shared stories about photography, nature, ordinary life, and faith. I’ve shared how they have helped me to grow and learn – how they have helped me to see my life differently. In this final part of my blog series, I am sharing some of my personal stories – the often raw and candid posts during a very painful time in my life. This post from December 2010 is just such a post.
I still cry when I read this post. I vividly recall sitting at the bar in our kitchen typing out these words. I vividly recall the feeling of sadness and and a sense of loss. I vividly recall feeling that the best years of my life were coming to an end.
Even still, I had hope. I believed in God’s goodness. I trusted in His faithfulness.
Stepping out in faith is not for the faint of heart. And today, as I face a new set of challenges and big-life changes, I hold tight to belief that God has a plan for my life. I trust in His Providence.
This is where it all started.
I honestly can’t believe it’s been 18 years since that first Christmas together. I could never have imagined the journey my life has been – the joy, the heartbreak, the trials, and the victories. I know my life isn’t over, but it does feel like I’m nearing the end of this particular chapter. And the truth is, I am profoundly sad about it.
It’s probably pretty obvious to everyone by now that I’m pretty sentimental all year long, but at Christmas…and my gosh it’s out of control this year. I’m trying so hard not dwell on thoughts like, “This is the last Christmas that Kelsey will be living at home.” I know it’s ridiculously maudlin and pathetic, but it is how my poor sleep-deprived, hormonally challenged heart feels right now.
It’s just that I have loved every minute of raising my daughter. Being her mother has the most fulfilling, gratifying experience of my life. I have learned so much about myself and been challenged to do things I never thought possible. On top of that, my daughter is such a wonderful, delightful child and it has been incredibly rewarding to watch her grow into the beautiful, confident young woman she has become. The problem is that It just went by so fast and I’m not ready for this part of my life to be over.
Being a Christian, I believe that Christmas is about Hope – God’s plan for our salvation in His son Jesus. And I also believe that God has a plan for my life. This Christmas, my prayer is that the next chapter of my life will be every bit as rewarding and fulfilling as the last 18 years. And I will continue to be forever grateful for the blessing of my family.