usually by this time of year, i am so ready for the end of summer. by the middle of september i am dreaming about long-sleeved t-shirts, a pot of chili on the stove, and the return of my favorite shows on tv.
but this year is different….i’ve been hanging onto summer for dear life.
it’s been a while since i’ve felt this sort of end of summer melancholy. to be honest, i have a bit of regret about this summer…and you should know that i say this very carefully. in general, the only time i use the word ‘regret’ is when i have said or done something to hurt someone that i care about. or in this case, when i feel like i’ve missed out on something because i wasn’t paying attention.
i think this was the day that i stopped paying attention.
i spent the next several weeks trying hard not to notice my daughter’s empty bedroom. trying not to notice the ache in my heart at not having my girl home for the summer.
it was easy to avoid…summer provides ample distraction. a wonderful family fourth of the july at the lake. great times with great friends on vacation….but after all the busyness of summer finally started to wind down, kelsey’s empty bedroom was still there waiting for me.
i knew from previous experience that if i wanted peace and joy back in my life, gratitude was the key. so starting in august, it was back to basics for me.
gratitude and mindfulness have a way of opening your heart to the true beauty of things…even things that might not seem beautiful at first glance…because it forces you to see with new eyes.
i’m sad to see summer go this year because by the time i finally got my shit together, summer was nearly over. i missed it. i missed the magic because i stopped paying attention. i missed the magic because i was ungrateful. and i regret that.
there are no do-overs in summer. there are no do-overs in life. but there is learning and growing.
and there is always grace.
let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. ~hebrews 4:17
peace, kelly
I just finished reading “The Alchemist” about just this. Have you read it? Kelly-girl -this is a milestone like all the others. She is not that far away, and tho she will get busy fast with her work and life, she will always have time for you.
I love this post because you have a hreat way of expressing what is in every mother’s heart. Your beautiful daughter is lucky ro have you!
Kelly, this takes me right back to when I was experiencing the same thing. First they leave for college and you mourn that but you still have summer. Then they leave to start their lives and it is another period of mourning what once was and what will never be again. But you have hit on the secret — gratitude. Gratitude for all the wonderful years we have had with them and gratitude that they still want to be with us even though they are no longer under our roof. So many families don’t have that, so I’m grateful for every moment I get to spend with them as adults when they are off doing their own thing but they still call every few days to share their lives, they still want to come for Sunday dinner and go on vacation together. The hardest and most inevitable thing about raising children is that it never stays the same. Just when you get used to things as they are, they change. But the thing that stays constant is the love our families share. And Carol is so right. I rarely read a post of yours that doesn’t touch my mother’s heart. Thank you for that.
kelly… i needed this just this afternoon when i sat down to read… i try not to have regrets either, but i have a few about summer. gratitude is so key, though, to living in the moment, to not living with regret. i’m such a big believer in that, but i sometimes forget and when i do, pulling out the notebook is the best antidote… thank you. xo
It’s certainly a transition for you and I hope you find balance in your life again as we ease into autumn and it’s beauty.
It was a crazy summer! And I’m not sure I’m ready for summer to be over either but I will be grateful for fall and new beginnings and uniting some old traditions with some new! Uncharted territory is always scary and daunting but I think we have to have those times to grow stronger. Love you! Hang in there! ????
Those ???? We’re suppose to be a kissy face! lol