day 22 ~ motherhood…the long road

this past summer, my girl and i were sitting on the front porch. i had bought a bottle of bubbles from target, and so while she was sitting there blowing bubbles, i was sitting next to her taking pictures. it was a silly thing, but it was such a sweet memory.

i learned a lot about motherhood that night.

for so many years i feared that when my girl went off to college that it would be the end. that somehow i would lose her. and so with every click of the shutter, it was like i was hanging on for dear life. always thinking in the back of my mind, ‘this might be the last time {insert anxiety-inducing moment here}.’ all too often, photography (and motherhood for that fact) for me was very much about hanging on…not celebrating.

i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. and it really hit home for me…because that from the moment my daughter came into this world, she was already headed out the door. yes, my obligation as a mother has always been to nurture and care for my girl. but it is also very much a responsibility to raise a young person who is capable of functioning in society as an independent and responsible adult.

it seems so silly now because here i am, a little over two years of my daughter being away at college. and for the life of me i don’t know where i got the idea that motherhood would end. because although she is a responsible adult now, my role as her mother isn’t over…it just looks completely different. instead of needing me to wash her clothes and prepare her meals, it’s helping her to see the big picture a little better. helping her set and achieve her goals. remind her of who she is when life tears her down.

i’m not going to lie. there are things that i really miss – like rocking my girl to sleep, or the way her head smelled after a bath. reading to her before bed, picking her up after school. and if i went on too much longer with this, my husband would probably come home to find me curled up on the couch, weeping, looking through old scrapbooks.

{what can i say…apparently i am a glutton for punishment today.} 😉

but here is something i realized while blow-drying my hair the other day (which in case you’re curious is where i do most of my best thinking). and that is, yes…for the 18 years that Kelsey lived at home, i was her mother. and that time of my life wonderful. BUT. for the next however many years i have on this earth, i am still her mother. and looking down the long road of motherhood, 18 years is such a small part of the whole journey. i get to be this mother for so much longer.

the key to unlocking this outlook though, was a bitter pill to swallow. and my gosh i have choked on it more times than i care to admit. and that is…i had to let go. i had to let go of my hanging on for dear life mentality. i had to let go of my girl. i had to let go of my fear.

but when i did that…when i stopped mourning the loss of that part of my life.  when i opened up my tight grip. when i stopped grasping. when i let go of what i thought motherhood was, what i got in return is a lifetime of wonderful motherhood memories yet to be made.

i like to joke that motherhood is not for sissies. it is profoundly life changing. and i have the stretch marks on my belly and my heart to prove it. because it is huge. i mean just search the web – there are a bazillion ‘mommy blogs’ out there. women who are sharing their journeys as they deal with the ups and downs of motherhood.

but what i have discovered is that there is so much more to motherhood than i could have ever possibly realized. there is so much journey still waiting for us. so with my girl and my trusty camera, i am ready for the long road ahead.

thank you so much for joining me on my 31 day writing challenge. to see all of the posts in this series, please click here. and if you would like to receive future posts via email, you can subscribe here.

 

 

 

 

 

from the archives

• what blowing bubbles taught me about motherhood
• where her dreams will take her
• the story she is writing
• what moms do