So like I shared the other day, my daughter left to go back to school this past weekend.
She had been home for nearly a month and it was so great having the long stretch of time with her. And it’s not like she and I did a whole a lot. Well that is unless you count me getting her caught up with the Real Housewives of Atlanta and Beverly Hills. But I guess what I loved was just having her around and that familiar feeling of being her mom. And yes, I know that I am her mom all the time, but it’s different when she’s home. It’s like putting on my favorite granny sweater – it’s about a size too big and it’s missing a button, but it’s just so comfortable and warm.
Anyway, as Kelsey was getting ready to leave, my tears kind of caught me by surprise. They shouldn’t have – I’d been, as Tripp likes to put it, a jump ahead of a fit all day. (translation: bitchy) As I hugged her goodbye I said, “Be careful sweetie. Drive safely.” – it’s what I always say. And then as I watched her drive away down the street, I said a little prayer. It’s what I always do.
For some reason, Seeing her drive off Sunday reminded me of the first time she drove herself to school after she got her driver’s license. I was standing on the porch and watching her back out of the driveway. Huge lump in my throat. Thinking to myself, “there she goes” and then praying, “dear God, please watch over my baby and keep her safe.”
Even now, it’s not so much that I worry about Kelsey’s driving…she’s an excellent driver. Tripp got her started off pretty early behind the wheel and would let her drive his truck whenever we were at the lake. She’d wear out a path between the circle driveways of our family’s cabin and the neighbor’s down the road.
And then there is the fact that Kelsey is a very defensive driver as well. I like to think that she got that particular skill set from yours truly. You see my dad is a retired truck-driver – who, by the way, has driven more miles backwards than I have forwards – and so with that comes a keen sense of learning to expect the unexpected.
But still, I worry. Worry about potholes the size of Dallas. And drunk-drivers. And school shootings.
I don’t know…this motherhood thing is not for sissies.
The dichotomy of it all is that mothers are hardwired to love and nurture our children. Protect them at all costs. But yet, part of that means having to teach them to become independent. Give them the tools and the skills they need to take care of themselves.
Let them go.
Which totally sucks I might add.
Looking back, I think this is what I love so much about having Kelsey at home. Being able to protect her. Knowing that she was safe.
I know I’ve said this before, but a BIG part of me would like to keep her home safe. Like forever. But I know that’s not the right thing to do. So I guess I’ll do what I also do. I’ll let her go.
And say a prayer.
Peace, Kelly
Ah, praying along side you. It’s such a hard time, this transistion. Don’t want to let go at first, then have to be careful not to release too quickly. Where is our manual??
Oh, Kelly, I just had to stop in to tell you that, even though I don’t comment often, I get your blog posts by e-mail and read every one, start to finish. Something tells me we would be great friends if we didn’t live so far apart! Everything you said in this post is exactly what I have felt every time I sent my kids out the door, whether it was back to college or just a few miles away to their own homes. Being a parent is definitely the toughest job anyone will ever do. You’re right, it’s not for sissies! But something tells me that girl of yours is going to be just fine. Thanks for always sharing your innermost feelings with us. It’s nice to know we’re not the only ones!
Hi, Kelly! I’ve had all these very same emotions! It’s a mom thing. Yes, it is really hard to let them go but each stage of life has its own joys. My only daughter is married with a 5-year old daughter and it’s such fun to watch her continue to walk her own path in life. But I still worry … they all left for DC this morning and of course, I had to say a little prayer. So … I get it!
It doesn’t matter how this parent is, or how old my children are, when they leave to go home after a visit, when I hang up the telephone after a great conversation with them, it still pulls at my heart strings just like when they left home alone as they were growing up. Thank God those feelings are not as intense as back then cause I don’t this Mom could take it 🙂 In the old days grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren frequently lived together under the same roof. I think they had the right idea, but not sure my kids would think so :):) Love you Kelly!
I’ve been right there many times. Our oldest is 37 with three boys of her own. I still have all those same “motherly” feelings when she’s here for a few days. Then, when they head home, I pray! I miss them all so much! Motherhood doesn’t ever go away no matter how old they are! I still have to call my mom when I’m traveling and when I get home!
I can sympathize with you. Our girl went back to college on the 12th, and she attends the university right in our town, so she’s only 10 minutes away. I get a lump in my throat each time I drop her off at her dorm after a day (or a weekend) at home. Our kids are our little shadows and it’s hard to let lose our shadows, isn’t it?
But you should see our text stream, it goes on for miles! ; )
Yes, definitely not for sissies, this parenting gig. I feel you, even though mine is still little. I watched her go into preschool this morning and marveled at how independent she is getting.
You are such a good writer -you are very brave too -to expose your heart time after time. I happened to hit upon this in your archives and I love it!
Its exactly the same for me -A prayer every time and wishing I lived in the days when everyone lived nearby. My two used to drive together to highschool ! OMG -talk about “precious cargo” -my whole life at the mercy of that little car -still makes me shutter…
And I prY just as hard for them to have safe lives, and happy lives, and safe and happy children -I could go on forever -let’s just say that God and I talk a LOT