it was the best of times, it was the worst times.
hormonal, bi-polar, schizo…all words that accurately described my state of mind during those last few weeks before kelsey went to college.
on the one hand, there was ‘happy momma’. she was one that helped kelsey pick out dorm room bedding. she was one that was excited for kelsey’s future…all the amazing experiences she would surely encounter. the opportunities that would enrich her life.
but then some days {and sadly it often the same day} there was ‘melancholy momma’. she was the anxious one. cried for no reason. she was the one who worried about what her days would look like when her girl went off to school. she was the one who didn’t understand why things had to change.
my mom always like to joke that when it comes to change (and my lack of love thereof) i am truly my father’s daughter.
in all fairness, it’s not that i dislike change per se. for example, i don’t take the same route each time i go out to jog. i try to limit out rotation of dinners so we’re not eating the exact same thing from week to week. and the last time i had my hair done i skipped the low lights. i mean come on…that’s practically living on the edge!
but it’s those big life changes….those are the ones that get me.
anyway, standing there at the back door, watching tripp as he finished loading up the truck with all of kelsey’s dorm room stuff, it felt like a reprise of a familiar maternal tune.
so much preparation. getting a room ready, packing a bag. a teeny mint-green striped onesie for my baby daughter’s ride home. lots of waiting. anxious. then when the time finally came, it was just tripp and me standing there in the dark outside the door to our tiny little apartment. tripp was fumbling with the key to lock the door. and in the midst of all the excitement, i distinctly remember thinking, “the next time we are at this door, everything will be different.”
i’ve often thought of kelsey’s moving day as something akin to giving birth again. it’s that thing where at the end there is the joy of bringing a new life into the world. but it’s also hospital rooms and wires and epidural needles and blood. scary and wonderful all at the same time.
maybe it’s my maternally selective memory…you know how we block out all the pain of the day and focus only on the joy. well with a few years of hindsight, i look back on the day we took kelsey to college in a similar way. remembering the joy.
and just like i was all those years ago, still feeling so grateful to be this child’s mother.
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from the archives
Kelsey is such a beautiful young lady. She radiates with happiness and joy.
she is such a beauty! like big time. I can relate mama. I can. My 18 year old just let me know he is moving out, I go back to the baby memories too. Like how on earth did this get her so quick??
i swear i don’t know where the time goes either….
i loved taking our boys to college. i love collage campuses, all the young kids, eager to move forward. it was always so hard to come home however. the reality of what just happened would settle in. beautiful capture.