day 4 ~ the double whammy

just a note before i get started…i don’t presume to have that many male blog followers except for my dad, my husband, and a few other family members. but in case i’m wrong about that and you’re a dude, i’m just going to tell you that you might want to skip this blog post. this one is for the girls.

i’m going to go out on a limb here.

my guess is that if you are over the age of 40, you have at least two out of three of these items somewhere in your possession:

1. a bright light
2. a high magnification mirror
3. a very sharp set of tweezers

now your arsenal might not be as ghetto-fabulous as mine here.

but i am waging war my friends…i am waging war on chin hairs.  and these the real ‘weapons of mass destruction.’  i’m just saying.

so here’s the thing…if menopause was just a few chin hairs and a hotflash here and there, well that would be one thing.  i could live with that.  annoying…yes, but nothing that would prevent me from living my life and going on about my day.  but i’m here to tell you that my hormonal insomnia has been my own personal hell.  it totally sucks the joy right out of my life.  and for weeks at a time, i feel like i belong on my own personal ‘walking dead’ television show.  or how about the ‘real housewives of crazytown?” now that has a nice ring to it don’t you think??

you know…i find it a cruel twist of fate that so often as women we have to deal with these two HUGE, major life transitions simultaneously.  each one brings about their own unique challenges. but together…my God.  not that i ever had a very high tolerance anyway, but because of this double whammy, all of a sudden my bullshit tolerance hit an all time low.  and i will confess here to you that over the course of the past three years, there have been some really ugly days.

now i know from that really positive spin i just put on it, you’d probably be thinking that there is nothing redeeming at all about “the change.”  and omg why do we have to call it that???

which is exactly how i used to think about it.  that is until, at the suggestion of my doctor, i read the wisdom of menopause by dr. christiane northrup.  in her book she discusses at length the many physical, mental, and emotional aspects of ‘the change’.  but she also points out something that i was not aware of.  and that is as women, we are biologically (as in hormonally) wired to create nurturing environments in which to raise our young.  and those reproductive hormones often cause us to choose keeping the peace over voicing our opinion.  and then there is my personal favorite…putting everyone else’s needs in front of our own.

i’m just praying here that you get this and i’m not really crazy after all.

anyway, i’m sharing this because i highly recommend the book and i found all of it to be incredibly insightful.  but the thing in her book that really stood out to me was this:

As the vision-obscuring veil created by the hormones of reproduction begins to lift, a woman’s youthful fire and spirit are often rekindled, together with long-sublimated desires and creative drives. Midlife fuels those drives with a volcanic energy that demands an outlet.

{um hello….have you read my blog???}

this is exactly what i found to be true in my own life.  because when the ‘veil’ lifted for me, what i noticed is a creative force starting to bubble back up.  but what was different for me at this time in my life was that i stopped needing everyone’s approval. i stopped worrying or caring what other people though.  i stopped listening to the voice of doubt and fear telling me i wasn’t smart enough, or funny enough, or good enough.

the thing is, it didn’t happen overnight and it has been its own interesting journey. but my creative spirit was calling, and thanks be to God…i started listening.  and it has made all the difference.

thank you so much for joining me on my 31 day writing challenge. to see all of the posts in this series, please click here. and if you would like to receive future posts via email, you can subscribe here.

 

 

 

 

 

from the archives~

• crazytown
• go the f**k to sleep
• it’s getting hot in here