i hold on

i hold on to her nasty old pacifer and those two special blankets.

i hold on to my husband.  our marriage. this perfectly, imperfectly beautiful life we have created together.

i hold on to the bracelet that robin gave me the year that she died.

i hold on to a pair of size six pants that i haven’t been able to wear for almost ten years in the hopes that someday i will.

i hold on to my family and my friends.  they remind me who i am even when i forget.

i hold on to family keepsakes – furniture, dishes, linens.  they remind me of where i came from.

i hold on to memories and photos.

i hold on to my faith and my belief in a good and loving God who wants good things for His children.

i hold on.

i hold on.

but last week i let go.  i let go of a job that no longer fit.  i let go of the hope that someday things would return to ‘normal’.  i let go of my frustration that there was no intention to go back to ‘normal’.

so i let go.

i let go.

peace, kelly

p.s. thank you dirks bentley